observations and reflections

Last night was the NCCC Foundation Board Holiday dinner. I usually meet Bill at the college and we drive to the country club together. But there is no easy way to drive from my work to the college. It always takes me over an hour and creeping crawling traffic on Niagara Falls Blvd. So this time I drove straight to the country club and met him there. It was a straight shot up the 190 across Grand Island. It only took me 40 minutes in rush hour traffic. There was a time that I would not have done this. I would not have wanted to drive there alone. I would not have been comfortable walking in alone. I went in alone and procured myself a glass of Cab. Then I spotted B. He got his wine and we stopped to talk to A. A is a tall beautiful woman with coffee-colored skin. We have had several nice conversations in the past and A always gives me a hug when I see her. We were joined by M. M is a young woman, newly married, fairly new to her job. I've had a few conversations with her at other functions. I like her. We talked about Christmas plans. We talked about her job working with grants. She said that B has probably described her to me as someone who doesn't know what she is doing. I told her that No B has described her to me as a very enthusiastic young woman.

I had spotted another woman I wanted to talk with. I had talked at length with this woman last year. I remembered that she was a caregiver. When one older person passes away she finds a new one to care for. I remembered that last year she was wearing black palazzo pants and we had a discussion trying to think of what they were called and could only come up with pajamas style pants and gauchos. I remembered that she was engaged but not married. I spotted her face but could not remember her name. I left my little group to seek her out. In my search I encountered G who is on the board. G and I had gotten to know one another last year at this function. I joined G and the man she was talking to. She said that they were discussing pain killers. I had just heard a story about children and pain killers and how parents are reluctant to give children pain killers when they are in pain because they are afraid that the children will become addicted. I fell easily into this conversation. Then I sought out the care giver lady because we were about to sit down for dinner. I had forgotten her name but it turned out to be Y. Y had gotten married 18 days ago. Y wore a wedding dress for her wedding but her maid of honor wore palazzo pants. Y's lady had passed away and Y was in the interview process for the next person that she will be caring for.

At dinner I talked easily to my table mates. I lightly reprimanded H for sipping his champagne before the big toast and flattered him by saying I couldn't believe that he had graduated from high school in 1989 because he looked so young. The lady next to me was a retired nurse and had been in the reserves. She had interesting stories to tell. Her husband is one of those people who remembers every detail of his life and can easily relate them. He did most of the talking at the table. The other B sat back and looked a little bored like he would be happy when it was all over but he was sociable. My B, I know, would rather have been home but he was very sociable and talkative also. We also had the student member of the board at our table. A tall skinny sweet young girl getting an early start in the politics of being a board member. She was joined by her boyfriend also a college student at a rival college. He was very interested in turning his fork back and forth on the tablecloth and in his cell phone.

Why I'm going on and on with all of this? Because sometimes I am amazed at this person I have become. I'm not saying that I'm a fine person, just a different person. In the past I would have dreaded going to a function like this. I would have clung to B's side. Leaving his side to seek and find someone to talk to would never have occurred to me. If I would have done this, it would have been out of obligation. And I would have stood there wondering what this person thought of me. I would have stood nervous and tongue-tied.

When B and I would come home from such a function as this in the past, we would ask one another....Did I do or say anything embarrassing tonight? If the answer was yes or maybe, it would have consumed me for weeks. Now I don't care. I don't really care if I do or say something stupid. I actually enjoy talking to these people. I like these people. I like people. I'm finding the more you don't care what people think of you, the more they like you. Or maybe don't like you. I don't know. I don't care. You can't be liked by everybody. I can sit back and observe people. I can slip into conversation because I simply don't care anymore. I was told once when my company took a personality test that people's personalities don't change. Only maybe if they have had a life-changing event. I'm not sure I agree with that. I don't think I fit into the category that I was pigeoned-holed into . I think if I took that test today I would get a different result from that of ten years ago. But then I did have a little crisis in my life so maybe that qualifies as a life changing event.

Anyway, enough about me. So let's talk about you. What do you think of me? LOL